“[I’ve gotten] tens of thousands of DMs,” said LaPaglia in Wednesday’s episode of the BFFs podcast, referring to people who found themselves relating to her experience. “It’s sick how people are treated and how they’re forced to feel like it was all their fault. Like, I didn’t understand that narcissistic abuse was as prevalent as it was and I’m really glad I talked about it.”
The explosive ending of their relationship became public once Bryan took to social media on Oct. 22 to announce the breakup. On Instagram stories he wrote, in part, “Brianna and me have broken up with each other and I respect and love her with every ounce of my heart.” While it seemed amicable, LaPaglia responded on her own social media to say that she was “blindsided” by his post and would be taking a break from the online discourse.
On Nov. 7, she released a podcast episode with co-hosts Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards, in which she opened up about Bryan and claimed that he offered her $12 million to sign a nondisclosure agreement preventing her from discussing the relationship. She said she declined.
“I didn’t take the money because I’m not signing away my experiences and what I went through to protect someone that hurt me,” the 25-year-old said. She went on to claim that Bryan “isolated me from my whole entire life,” “made me hate everything that I loved about myself” and that “the last year of my life has been the hardest year of my life dealing with the abuse from this dude.”
She’s also taken to social media to not only share more about her experience but also to ask for advice, like ways to put on weight after losing 15 pounds during the relationship, which she said in one video was a result of anxiety. “It’s not because I didn’t want to eat, obviously,” she said. “I was, like, physically sick from what I was going through mentally.”
Bryan has yet to respond to LaPaglia’s claims. However, mental health experts say that the conversation around relationship abuse is one to pay attention to.
What is emotional abuse and how common is it?
Emotional abuse refers to non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate or frighten someone, by means of threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation and dismissiveness, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It may be lesser known than physical abuse, a representative for the organization tells Yahoo Life, because “these behaviors are often more subtle and hard to identify.” However, emotional abuse is just as serious as other types of abuse and is very common.
“The reality is that 41% of women and 26% of men experience contact sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an abusive partner during their lifetime and over 60 million women and 53 million men experience verbal or emotional abuse in their lifetime,” says the rep. The hotline’s 2020 data more specifically states that 182,784 reports of emotional and verbal abuse were made that year, making up 96% of all reports. “And still, we know that for every call we get, there are many others who do not reach out for support due to shame and stigma,” says the hotline.
What are the signs of emotional abuse?
While abuse can present in a multitude of ways, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides a number of signs to look out for. They include:
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Your partner tries to control you, your time and your actions
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Your partner tells you what to do and what to wear
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Your partner is critical of your appearance
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Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family
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Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection
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Your partner wants you to ask for permission before doing something or spending time with other people
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Your partner embarrasses you in public
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Your partner does not trust you and acts possessive
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Your partner wants access to your phone, your passwords, or your social media
Why is it difficult to tell if you’re in an abusive relationship?
That psychological manipulation can have an impact on how a person experiences their own relationship while they’re still in it. “The intense emotions, attachment and sometimes fear can cloud judgment,” says Tanya Rawal, director of consulting at RAINN. “After leaving, victims are no longer subjected to the daily manipulation or pressure to comply, which allows them to reflect more objectively on the patterns and behaviors they endured. This distance provides the space needed to see the relationship more clearly, often revealing abusive tactics they didn’t fully recognize while they were involved.”
Isolation from friends and family during the relationship, which is common in abusive scenarios, keeps a person from accessing that objective point of view earlier on.
Why is it important to have conversations about emotional abuse in the public sphere?
Having open conversations about relationship abuse brings awareness to how often it happens and what it can look like, as LaPaglia has noted herself. Her story has struck a nerve with people who have since taken to social media to share their experiences and, in turn, connect with others over them.
“Brianna’s story about ZB really hits home when you dated a ZB too,” one woman posted on TikTok, referring to an abusive ex. Another made a video thanking LaPaglia for speaking out. “I was not expecting to wake up and have some girl on the internet validate every feeling I have about my breakup,” she wrote. “It sounds identical to her and Zach’s.”
The dialogue helps to address harmful misconceptions and stigmas that keep people from recognizing or reporting abuse in their own lives.
“Discussing relationship abuse in the public sphere is essential to reduce the stigma that often surrounds it, especially for less visible forms like emotional and sexual abuse. This stigma stems from misconceptions that abuse only involves physical violence or that survivors are somehow to blame if they ‘allowed’ the abuse to happen, making survivors doubt their experiences and feel ashamed to speak out,” says Rawal. “By openly addressing relationship abuse, we help dismantle these harmful stereotypes and affirm that abuse is never the survivor’s fault. Public conversations can shift attitudes, promoting empathy over judgment and educating people on the warning signs of abuse. This understanding is crucial for creating a supportive environment where survivors feel comfortable seeking resources and sharing their stories without fear of judgment.”
Even after leaving an abusive relationship, there’s a process of healing that isn’t often spoken about. “It involves a lot of work: acknowledging the trauma, prioritizing safety, seeking professional help, building a supportive network, practicing self-care, setting boundaries, being patient with yourself, educating yourself and gradually reclaiming your power, all while recognizing that healing is a personal and ongoing journey,” says Rawal. “We have to give ourselves and each other the gift of time and patience when we are working through the healing process.”
And even as people look to the journeys of public figures going through similar experiences, Kaur says it’s important to remember that “the process of healing is going to look different for everyone, and it is not always linear.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available. Contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) and at online.rainn.org.
For anyone affected by abuse and needing support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233), or if you’re unable to speak safely, you can log on to thehotline.org or text “START” to 88788.
