Willis, who has partnered with baby band Pura as a global creative partner, became an accidental advocate when she experienced a lot of this negative feedback firsthand — including after posting photos of herself breastfeeding Louetta. “If you breastfeed your child to sleep you’re a bad mother, if you co-sleep you’re a bad mother, if your child isn’t sleeping through the night by three months you’re a bad mother,” she says.
The pressure to be a perfect parent is just one of the lessons Willis has learned since becoming a mom. Here’s what the former Dancing With the Stars champion and founder of Rumer Has It says about family, being a caregiver and the “detrimental lack of support” for mothers.
Being part of the ‘sandwich generation’ is a struggle — but rewarding
In 2023 Willis and her family announced that her father, actor Bruce Willis, had been diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia (FTD). As a result, Willis knows well the strain of caring for a young child and an ailing parent at the same time, which makes her part of the sandwich generation. But Willis says she “has a natural proclivity to be nurturing” and “feels so much love” from her dad.
The star sees some parallels in caring for Louetta, now 18 months old, and her father — such as “the gentleness, the softness, the sweetness” she tries to show them both. “The freedom of love that you are able to give and receive both as a child and someone who’s struggling with dementia, or FTD in my case, is really quite exquisite,” she says. “It’s such a beautiful thing to be able to just feel and give so much love.”
Self-care is vital as a single mom
Willis is still figuring out how to strike the right balance between life and work. “It is staggering the lack of support — not just for mothers in general, but specifically for single mothers,” says Wilis, who is no longer with Louetta’s father, musician Derek Richard Thomas.
Even with the resources she has, Willis still struggles. “We all have moments of going, ‘Man, I’m overwhelmed, or I’m tired, or I could use some help,’” she says. Although she feels societal pressure to be productive whenever she isn’t with Louetta, Willis is trying to resist that urge by taking a nap or a warm bath when she has some time to herself. “It’s helped me show up better” as a mom, she says.
Co-parenting is complicated
“Co-parenting is different,” Willis says. Before she split from Thomas, she appreciated having someone at home she could lean on for help. It was “easier to make breakfast or run out to the grocery store,” she says. “You don’t realize how helpful it is to have another pair of hands until you don’t have them,” she says. Wills says she bows down to moms who are raising their children without a partner involved at all.
Willis is also navigating the complexities of having to see an ex-boyfriend regularly after a break-up. “Whatever the reasons are that you got out of a relationship still exist, but you have to find a way to co-parent,” she says. “Your problems, whatever they may be with your co-parent, are not your kid’s problems. Don’t make it theirs.”
Her advice to fellow single moms? “Find an appropriate person to process whatever you need to process. Hit a pillow, do some purge writing … whatever you need to do.”
Willis’s own parents split when she was young and she says that they set “a top-tier version” of what co-parenting can look like. “My job is to try to make it even better. It certainly can’t be worse. That would be embarrassing,” she laughs.
Although Willis has recently started dating again, she still “pretends” to be her “own boyfriend.” Whereas past boyfriends made gestures she loved — like bringing her big bowls of fruit salad — she now does those things for herself. Instead of waiting around for someone else to pamper her, “I take care of myself the way I would like someone to care for me,” she says.
She’s looking forward to having another child, with or without a partner
Given her own big family, Willis wants Louetta to grow up with siblings. While she would “love to find a partner” she says she “isn’t going to wait forever” to have another child. “I’m not going to let not having a partner get in the way of giving Louetta a sibling, because that was such a profound experience for me,” she says. She is also looking forward to “experiencing how your heart grows when you have more than one” child.
Adds Willis: You can’t “let that [not having a partner] get in the way of creating the family of your dreams.”
You’ve got to give yourself grace
Despite the pressure placed on new mothers, Willis feels very privileged that she has a good support system in place. “I have people who remind me that I’m a great mom and of how great I’m doing,” she says. She wants all new moms to feel that way — which means tuning out negative feedback, especially from influencers who tell them there is only one “right” way of doing things. Instead, she thinks new moms should find a community that will cheer them on and support the choices they make for their families.
Her advice? “Give yourself grace” and trust that you know what is best for your baby. “We’re all just trying to figure it out,” she adds. And while there are things she’d like to do better — like not being on her phone so much — she’s quick to focus on her strengths. “I’m doing really well,” she says. “I’m doing a really good job as a mom.”
Mothers are the strongest people in the world
Before Willis became a mother, she didn’t fully realize the strength mothers possess. Since having Louetta, and wanting to “give her everything,” Willis says she now understands “those moms who lift up a car” to save their child.
She’s also found her own strength. Her daughter wasn’t yet 6 months old when Willis contracted both COVID-19 and the flu. She remembers thinking, “How am I going to be sick and take care of my kid at the same time?” But after Willis got better she realized she “managed to do it.” Although overcoming these obstacles wasn’t easy, “I learned so much about my own resilience,” she says.
“Mothers are the strongest people in the world,” she says, adding, “I just feel so privileged to be part of the club.”
